“I only date black people,” said John Boyega, a British-Nigerian actor.
Who knew four words in a GQ UK interview would spark thousands of hate-filled rants on Twitter?
Boyega “The Woman King” Star
Boyega, who plays King Ghezo in the box office smash “The Woman King,” spoke to the men’s mag about everything. Including his post-Star Wars journey. The debate over Black British actors frequently portrays African American activists. They will engage in direct activism in the summer of 2020, among other things.
However, his desire to date only Black women sparked a debate about double standards and preferences. One Twitter user, @ada akpala, jotted down the app. “Many people would not defend a white actor who stated that he only dated white women. They’d label him a racist.”
John Boyega saying he dates only black women isn't a problem.
Double standards are a problem.
If a white actor said they only dated white women, many would not defend his right to have "preferences," they would call him racist.
The rules have to stay consistent, that's all.
— Ada (@ada_akpala) September 16, 2022
Many users correctly pointed out that white entertainers and celebrities do not say it. They do it. At best, they describe their type with vague terms. Like “blondes and brunettes” and old euphemisms like “tall, dark, and handsome” and, more recently, “golden retriever vibes.” (This is on Love Island and numerous other reality dating shows.)
Me watching these girls use this 'tall, dark & handsome' rubbish to describe their ideal white guy. #Loveisland pic.twitter.com/j9sH806SBl
— D (@wtfbruv) January 28, 2020
Black Male Celebrity’s Expressed Desire
The fact that a Black male celebrity expressed his desire to love and cherish us without condition. It is significant given that white womanhood is consistently elevated in society. In which we live, reservation – is heartening, and offending any other group- is refreshing. What always leaves you disappointed? The internet’s reaction, however, is unsurprising, a telling sign of today’s society’s rampant misogynoir.
nothing shook me more in my coming of age as a Black girl than realizing that when yt women said “tall dark and handsome” they meant like, Ben Affleck
— gloria alamrew / ግሎርያ 🇪🇹🌻 (@GloriaAlamrew) September 3, 2022
In her 2008 dissertation, Northwestern University professor Moya Bailey coined the term “misogynoir.” The phrase refers to “the particular intersection of racism and sexism that Black women face. “Frequently face,” and it “is used colloquially. In all academic, cultural, and casual settings,” according to the author.
love island girls stay saying they want tall dark & handsome men but be describing white men. that will never not be crazy to me😭😭😭
— costa rican chu. (@whoknowschu) April 10, 2021
In reality, the Boyega debate reflects how people perceive Black women and femmes. It implies that Black women should not believe in love. That they deserve love and should instead be grateful to be in the romantic dating pool. Despite being pushed to the bottom by racist, misogynistic structures.
We have historically been hypersexualized and adultified, reduced to mere sexual objects, according to a 2017 Levin College of Law study at the University of Florida. Regarding violence against Black women, Black girls perceive to require “less protection and nurturing.” They are “more knowledgeable about sex.”
Mummified and Defeminized Black women
The other extreme of the spectrum is where there is Black women are mummified and defeminized. The term “mammy” refers to the archetypal Black domestic servant. Who is a good-natured, “obese, coarse, maternal figure” from the era of slavery?
Too often, Black women are stereotyped as having no strong desire for companionship. It is assumed that we are worker mules. Gleefully and loyally saving the world around us despite receiving minimal tangible benefits.
The discussion also reinforces the racist notion that loving a Black woman – loudly, openly, and precisely as she is unfathomable. It reflects society’s failure to recognize Black women as a whole human beings. We are your toys, saviors, bridesmaids, and coworkers, but never the bride.
But here comes Boyega, Professing his Love for Us
Regarding desirability, whiteness and proximity to it have been and continue to regard as the default. Nobody doubts it. According to NPR, Black women and Asian men were the least desired on dating apps in 2018.
“However, many people told me, ‘I never thought of it that way.’ I didn’t realize it until I made these decisions, but my preference isn’t just my own. It isn’t by chance. It’s a byproduct of the environment in which we live.”- DAMONA HOFFMAN, DATING EXPERT RECALLING READERS’ COMMENTS.
Therapy for Black Girls Episode
In a Therapy for Black Girls episode, Atlanta-based therapist Joy Harden Bradford join by Damona Hoffman, a Black, Jewish, and biracial woman, and OK Cupid dating expert and Dates & Mates podcast host to discuss online dating. Hoffman stated that she received both hate mail and insightful feedback from readers in response to a letter she wrote for the Washington Post on dating preferences.
“However, many people told me, ‘I never thought of it that way.’ “I didn’t even realize that my preference… is not just my own choice,” Hoffman said in the episode. “It’s not a coincidence. It’s a byproduct of the environment in which we live.”
Hoffman also discovered data indicating that 52% of Black women emphasize culture, ethnicity, and race as it relates to our identity, compared to 36% of our Black male counterparts, influencing how and with whom we form partnerships.
Because Black women are at the bottom of the social hierarchy, “engaging in relationships is often about finding someone that you’re compatible with,” said Bachelor franchise podcast host and actor Mikayla Bartholomew in an interview with NBC BLK. Whereas for Black men, it is power assimilation that they seek.”
Matt James, the franchise’s first Black male lead, was forced to have a nationally televised discussion with contestant Rachael Kirkconnell after photos of her wearing antebellum-style clothing surfaced in 2018.
The Epitome of Femininity: Since chattel slavery and colonialism
Matt James, the franchise’s first Black male lead, was forced to have a nationally televised discussion with contestant Rachael Kirkconnell after photos of her wearing antebellum-style clothing surfaced in 2018.
White women have long been regarded as the epitome of femininity since chattel slavery and colonialism. According to the, it is one of the many reasons why Pew Research Center, 24% of Black men marry women of another race, compared to only 12% of Black women.
To be clear, date whomever you want, but do not denigrate Black women in the process of justifying your decision. Too frequently, Young Black men on TikTok, encouraged by their peers in the comments, associate Black women with stereotypes of aggression, dominance, and masculinity. To justify their anti-Blackness for refusing to date us.
White Wives and Girlfriends with Black Celebrities
We see a lot of black celebrities with white wives and girlfriends in their arms. For some, landing a white wife is still seen as a sign of status, only for Black men to discover later that she wore antebellum clothing in a previous life. There are no thoughts or racial analysis, only vibes, internalized racism, and low self-esteem.
Meanwhile, Expected Black women are to support the institution of Black love by any means necessary while we wait for our “Black king.” Black women for seeking happiness and dating outside their race often Shame. Remember when Serena Williams married Alexis Ohanian, who supposedly dated Common and Drake? Men calling her a brute on the internet was now furious that their “Nubian Queen” had married a white man.
Serena Williams Married Alexis Ohanian: Stirred Controversy
In November 2017, Serena Williams married Alexis Ohanian shocking the internet.
While Boyega was chastised for “expressing his love for cultural familiarity.” White men like Robert De Niro, Love Is Blind star Cameron Hamilton, and my favorite NFL tight end, Travis Kelce, is praised for dating Black women as if it’s inherently progressive and favors us.
White boys are populating TikTok audios like this: “If you’re a white boy and you love some Black women, please use this sound…” – gets a lot of likes, virality, and pats on the back on the internet.
Social socialization and upbringing heavily influence preferences, and they should be investigated, as colorism, fatphobia, and queerphobia are all prevalent in our community. And according to Boyega, he “always thought certain reactions to preference would only occur if you belittle other people while expressing what you like.”
Boyega’s remarks cannot be equated with a double standard when Black women are not celebrated on equal footing. If anything, the discussion reinforces society’s acceptance of whiteness as the pinnacle of beauty. The notion that it is absurd for a Black male celebrity to desire a Black woman – and that we are deserving of such love – should not be as radical as the internet portrays it to be. People’s mental gymnastics to avoid saying the silent part aloud is mind-boggling.